So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
this just has baby written all over it
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
