so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
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