Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
