Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
