Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
