I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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