i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
