We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
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