i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
