I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Randomize
