I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
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