When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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