I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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