You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
