I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
