So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
