If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
