I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
someone owes me an orgasm
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
