8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
