He disabled his match.com account in front of me
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
