i would punch a child for taco bell
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
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