I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
