you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Randomize
