When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
