So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
