I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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