Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Randomize
