$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
