Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Randomize
