You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
