I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
