My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
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