Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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