I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
