Do you still have your period?
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
