One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I just found a bag of teeth...
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
