What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
