got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Randomize
