Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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