i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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