There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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