The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
