I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
