Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
