I just threw up on my dentist
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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