6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
