3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Randomize
