yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
