Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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