Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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