i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
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