so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
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