Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
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