there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
