She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Randomize
