Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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