Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
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