I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
you had me at cake vodka
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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